We’re on the cusp of another holiday season.
We all need a respite from the onslaught that was 2017 without adding to the Trump 10.
Right now in Truce with Food: Tapas Style, we’re working through automatic pilot eating.
When you slow this habit down, underneath is:
- Eating so we don’t say the thing that we really want to say.
- Eating because we don’t want to feel angry.
- Eating eat because we are So. Damn. Exhausted.
This “I don’t care” (but I do) eating root cause is what I call the “good girl” mindset.
The Good Girl mindset craves wanting to be wanted.
It wants to smash the patriarchy yet feels bad and guilty for doing so.
It worries about rocking the boat. Feeling selfish. Being high-maintenance.
In Truce with Food, we transform the good girl mindset to what I call the Boss mindset, with wise rebellion. The Boss mindset knows how to get its needs met, creating a sense of emotional safety. When we feel emotionally safe, we don’t overeat.
One powerful question to orient towards the Boss mindset this holiday season is:
“How do you want this Holiday Season to end?”
And then work backwards to identify what’s important to you at Thanksgiving. With Christmas. And Festivus, for the rest of us!
When I was battling food, I didn’t want to be out of control around food and have to spend January burning off the holiday season. Yet I didn’t know how to be moderate.
Had I looked beyond the peanut butter blossoms, I’d have realized the holiday magic could be surprising myself that food didn’t have to be the highlight. I needed to think what I wanted out of the holidays instead of going with the capitalistic, cultural flow.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Here’s a holiday planning tool to be a sage-rebel this holiday season and prevent the all-or-nothing overeating bender. Moderation is the new radical!
Now, if this feels selfish…you must be Catholic.
Just Slightly kidding…
While the Catholics do recognize the most prolific martyrs, also being half-Jewish, I know female guilt knows no religious bounds!
There is nuance and complexity to this.
In my Truce with Food groups, initially experimenting with the Boss mindset, feels selfish because culturally, we bring a win-lose definition to selfish.
It’s their way or mine. If I get my way, someone else won’t.
As Elizabeth Gilbert pointed out,
“In Mandarin Chinese, they have two words for selfish. One means doing that which is beneficial to you and the other means hoarding, greedy, and cruel. We, in English, have pushed those two words together.”
Where’s the Win-Win?
When you get clear on what you want and ask the people you care about, what they want (don’t assume), beautiful insights and win-win experiences emerge.
You don’t need to eat to manage conflict.
In our Insatiable podcast episode, Healthy Boundaries for Kind People During the Holidays Randi Buckley suggests,
Before you arrive at Thanksgiving or a party, ask your host what they’d love to get out of the experience. Not what you can bring per se, but what their hopes are as a host.
There’s so many other gifts of clarity in this episode, including my favorite unconventional portion control tip ever. After all, normal is not working so well.
You are magic and magical.