Clients often come to me frustrated from everything they’ve tried and exhausted by the lack of results. They also believe it requires too much energy and effort to do ALL.THE.THINGS to lose weight, be healthy and oh yes, fit in your life too.
In today’s episode, I reveal and discuss a cultural myth that keeps you working hard not smart, the opportunity you have when you realize not all efforts are equal and the trick to sticking with healthy living and your weight loss path.
THE MERITOCRACY MYTH
Meritocracy is the idea that success can be achieved based on ability and talent. In other words, we’re all equal and it’s hard work and opportunity that enables us to prove ourselves, regardless of race, class or creed.
The more left you lean, the less you see America as a true meritocracy.
Donald Trump, as president, is shocking to me and most of the world. There’s a layer of complexity here that I can’t get into right now.
However, the Donald’s election was in large part due to being born into extreme wealth and capitalizing on that. He equated his ability to own things with his merit for the Presidency.
SAD!
WHERE MERITOCRACY HIDES IN HEALTH BELIEFS
There can be an incredible upside to questioning this meritocracy related to our health, healing and weight loss efforts.
One way the American idea of meritocracy shows up is in traditional weight loss conversations. All bodies are “equal”, or physiologically and emotionally the same at any given time (preposterous yet unchallenged in mainstream conversations).
There’s a belief that if you’re overweight, it is your fault for not trying hard enough. That if you work hard (at counting calories), stay disciplined (around tempting foods) and focused (at the gym), and “follow the rules” (eat less, move more), you will succeed (weight loss!).
This follows along the same conditioned thought that says if you work hard, keep a positive attitude, and never give up, you will succeed. You will achieve the American Dream.
The reality is success, in terms of wealth, isn’t achieved through merit. Income is what you earn. Wealth is how much you own.
This is all about ownership. The majority of ownership is by a few families and corporations, a wealthy oligarchy. This is inherited, not earned through merit. Of course, there’s always exceptions to the rule, which keeps the illusion going.
Back to questioning meritocracy related to our health, culturally we equate being “good” as making choices which leads to being thin. This implies thin people are healthy and work hard for their figures. Both assumptions are often untrue.
Side note: just like many people don’t learn the invisible social systems that negate meritocracy, these health premises negate the invisible environmental threats like polluted air, water and soil or emotional threats like trauma, isolation and lack of support for working families, that influence health outcomes.
While there’s considerable truth to having to take responsibility for our health, it doesn’t involve the meritocracy idea that discipline and following the “eat less, move more” rules you’ve been taught will lead to successful goals.
In reality, these ideas couldn’t be further from the truth. Most of my clients have tried everything under the sun under the meritocracy premise. They work hard at learning about nutrition and getting to the gym while juggling the rest of their over-worked lives.
Yet their efforts are based on an idea that was never true.
In this episode, I share a more true perspective and approach to take to any health goal based on how the body actually works, not what you’ve been sold.
Transcript
Ali Shapiro [00:00:03]:
I realized that when it comes to health and weight loss, meritocracy is why so many people struggle with reaching their goals. They’re working hard, not smart because they believe hard work and discipline is how you succeed. They think that they’re trying all these different things, but they’re all shaped by the same meritocracy story. And then when when you don’t get the results that you want, you blame yourself rather than question this meritocracy story that told us that all it takes is hard work and discipline to achieve success. And being thin is often a result of wealth. Yeah. You’re able to hire a chef if you need it. Right? You have more flexible work arrangements.
Ali Shapiro [00:00:41]:
You have the resources to buy organic, have a trainer come to your house. You know, my sister said her definition of wealthy is never being inconvenienced. And I think that’s very true of the wealthy in this country. I’m not saying they’re happy per se, but they do have a level of access and time that, you can get to the salon, you can get to the dentist, less and there’s this less chronic stress about safety for your kids. Can you pay the bills? And so many times, we unconsciously equate thin with life being easy easier. But it’s often it’s the wealth and resources, not the thinness, that make life easier. You know
Ali Shapiro [00:01:23]:
battling food in your body doesn’t work. You want to love and accept yourself. And because you’re insatiable, you want results too. You bring the same intensity to your life, wanting to maximize your time, potential, and experiences you have here on our beautiful and wondrous planet Earth.
Ali Shapiro [00:01:41]:
Fair warning, it will be
Ali Shapiro [00:01:43]:
a roller coaster. But for those insatiable, this is your prime time to thrive. Here’s to saying yes to the hunger of wanting it all. I’m your host, Ali Shapiro, who is dedicated to pioneering a saner and more empowering approach to health and weight
Ali Shapiro [00:02:02]:
loss. Welcome to episode 75, your green juice doesn’t make you worthy. Clients often come to me frustrated from everything they’ve tried and exhausted by the lack of results. They also believe it requires too much energy and effort to do all the things to lose weight and be healthy. And OES fit in your life, too. In today’s episode, I’ll reveal the mindset that keeps you working hard, not smart, the opportunity you have when you realize not all efforts are equal, and this trick to sticking with healthy living and your weight loss path. Hey, everyone. So today is my first episode where post Julia leaving where I’m gonna be solo.
Ali Shapiro [00:02:43]:
I’m gonna try out some things, and I would love to get your feedback. So the Insatiable podcast, Facebook page has moved to my public page in Facebook, which is Ali Marie Shapiro on Facebook, or you can reach out to me on Instagram at aliamshapiro about what you think of the episode, what you liked, what you thought could have been better, you know, all those things. I’ve I’ve been in this entrepreneurial game now for 10 years, so I’m good at taking feedback. So
Ali Shapiro [00:03:13]:
let me know
Ali Shapiro [00:03:13]:
what you think of today’s. It’s definitely atypical of of what Julia and I have often talked about on the podcast. So today, we’re gonna talk about your green juice doesn’t make you worthy. But before we get to that, I wanna catch you up on some moments in my life and kind of let you guys know a little bit about the community. So I headed out back in February. This is April now. I know I feel like I have so much to tell you, but I did a cookie isn’t just a cookie tour. And a lot of the people that I met, all in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Philadelphia virtually, were insatiable listeners.
Ali Shapiro [00:03:49]:
And I have to tell you guys, we have an amazing community. You guys are really the coolest. And I know I don’t just think that because we just started Truth With Food, and a lot of insatiable listeners are are in there. So hi, everyone. Truth With Foodites. But one of the insatiable listeners commented about what an incredible caliber of people in our Truth with Food group. And I think that is just such reflective of the insatiable community. So I just wanna say you guys are ahttps://alishapiro.com/wp-content/uploads/placeholder-vertical-1-1.jpgome and know that I, in the future, wanna work to bringing us together more because I think we really need community in these times.
Ali Shapiro [00:04:24]:
So I had so much fun in in all the cities. I never made it to New York City because, of course, I picked the one day that there was an epic New York City snowstorm. So everyone was we brought it online and and had a lot of people virtually join us. So that was that was great. But I wanted to share with you one of my really cool experiences in LA because I think it’s it’s relevant to to what we talk about here on the podcast. So my best friend from college, one of them, works on the Ellen Show. And so I got tickets to go. And I it was so fun.
Ali Shapiro [00:05:00]:
I didn’t know what to expect. I actually don’t even have cable or, like, a TV. I mean, we have a TV, but, you know, I watch, like, a Roku, so it’s like Netflix and stuff. So, I mean, I used to work at NBC Sports in New York, like, back in 2001. So I I or, yeah, it was 2001. But I hadn’t really been on a TV set in a really long time since I since the NBC Philadelphia show ended. I had done that for 4 years. So it was and and and this was, like, national network.
Ali Shapiro [00:05:26]:
Right? So I went on there, and it was so inspiring in a way that just totally un it was totally unexpected. So Ellen came out, and I got these chills and this, like, almost teary sense, and I’m not usually like that. I mean, I get really inspired and I I I’m always thinking everything’s meaningful and and what it is. But it really brought me back to as she was walking out, I was thinking about when Ellen had her own show originally. I don’t know how old everyone is, who listens, but Ellen had a show way back in the I think it was the the late nineties. And she was the 1st person to come the one of the first women to come out as a lesbian on TV. And this was during an era where Bill Clinton was the president, and he signed the Marriage Defense Act, basically outlawing, you know, gay marriage. And ABC, when she came out, she wanted to take the show in a different direction, and ABC dropped her show.
Ali Shapiro [00:06:26]:
So I’m sure some of you remember that. And I think it was really a total of 3 years before she got back into the entertainment gig. And as she came out, I thought of all of this and how she has this big show now. People were so excited to be there. I was so excited to be there. It was such a fun atmosphere. We were dancing, and I just thought about when she lived her truth. And it also flashed back I don’t know if ever any of you know, but president Obama awarded her, I believe it was the presidential medal of freedom.
Ali Shapiro [00:06:56]:
And when they showed Ellen getting it, she just had tears in her eyes. Right? Here’s someone who makes all of us laugh. And she was so emotional because she was being seen for exactly who she was. And it made me think about how no matter what level of success we achieve, we all wanna be seen for exactly who we are. And not the perfect version, but the human version that has been challenged and rose to that challenge. And it just really inspired me to think bigger and to, like, you know, I I was like, oh my god. I’m in Disney. Like, you know, Warner Brothers, Disney.
Ali Shapiro [00:07:30]:
You know? Dreams can come true. And I joked with my a couple of my clients that maybe I’ll start posting motivational quotes online. Not quite there yet, but it really inspired me. And, you know, I think it’s really important for everyone listening to realize that weight loss and wanting to be thin or lose weight is really a deeper craving to be seen and seen in a safe manner, which ultimately isn’t just about what we weigh, but being seen for who we are, including our imperfections and the humanness of us, because that’s what connects us to each other. It’s not the achievements. It’s not looking a certain way. It’s, you too? Oh my god. Or I totally get that.
Ali Shapiro [00:08:13]:
So I just it really inspired me and I oh, and I forgot to say one of the most exciting things. So Ellen does this 12 days of giveaways around Christmas time. It’s kind of like Oprah’s favorite things, but Ellen style. And we actually our episode crowd got invited back for one of those days. Like, it’s apparently one of the hardest tickets to get in all of entertainment. And my friend who got us the tickets, she was like, I can’t even get tickets to that. So I’m gonna be going back out there in in, like, November or December, so I’ll catch you up. And I don’t know what we’ll get.
Ali Shapiro [00:08:45]:
I’m not usually, like, a things person, but, hey, free stuff is exciting. Right? Also, you know, I just I kind of personally and and a lot of you reached out on Instagram, but I’ve been advocating for the Affordable Care Act. One of the the things that has been really as a small business owner who is healthy very healthy here at 38, no medications, really just go to the doctor for an annual physical, but I am considered to have a preexisting condition because of the cancer that I had when I was 13. And what’s really interesting is the way the economy is shifting is that by 2020, we know that 40% of the work force, according to an Intuit study, will be contractors and freelancers and kind of what we think of as the gig economy. And that doesn’t even include those of us who are small business owners or self employed. And so I’ve been sharing my story at my house of representatives town hall and the media about why we need to really, all both sides of the aisle, think of how we approach health care in this country because it affects everyone, not just those of us who have to find our health care on our own. A lot of the ACA protections protect those of you who are in jobs and how you’re charged and what can be covered. So I’ve been doing a lot of work on that.
Ali Shapiro [00:09:59]:
That’s kind of been my post 119 work. And it’s been interesting because I have very conflicting feelings about our health care system, yet I really feel like most change happens incrementally and happens in multiple ways, and we can’t just go back to what we what we had. So yeah. So that’s kind of what I’ve been up to. And I I mean, I don’t again, I’m trying new formats. I just had a couple of people on Instagram say, talk about Ellen, you know, when you went there. And so, you know, I I think sometimes I think I share a lot, but I often don’t kinda share what’s been going on even though it’s been really exciting. Our guests, I got to see John Mayer interviewed.
Ali Shapiro [00:10:33]:
He kinda took a hiatus, and then David Spade was was one of the guests who was hilarious. Never realized how funny he was. And then Ryan c Capcrest was on as well. So so yeah. So I a lot’s been going on, and I just feel after going to Ellen and, like, really getting involved I wouldn’t say politically. I would say humanly getting involved in the human experience, but I feel a lot more dedicated to the truth and what what’s true for me, what’s true for for the direction of of where I wanna take my career, my personal life, etcetera. So it’s a constant iteration. But it’s interesting that I’ve been thinking about this because up until recently, I’ve been really struggling with what is true.
Ali Shapiro [00:11:14]:
And I I wanna kinda take a step back before we get into what this has to do with green juice and and discipline and that having to work super hard to be to lose weight and be healthy. But a big part of my work with clients is transforming their current mindset that is informed by the stories that make them overeat or binge. So I think a lot about how people see the world. Most of us don’t know the extent that the deep core stories we have shape how we see the world. They shape our logic, and then they affect our actions. And when we feel powerless in a story, we often eat. So that’s the connection to food, and it runs so deep. You have to kinda go through the process to really get it.
Ali Shapiro [00:11:57]:
But I am always trying to 0 in on what mindset is someone bringing, not just to their food, but to their life because it’s the same mindset. Right? We’re the common denominator. So I’ve been I I’m always kind of thinking about this in general. And then back in 2015, my grandma passed away, and it will be 2 years next month. And I really still get so emotional thinking about it. She was like a second mom to me. You can hear my voice quiver. My parents were you know, we grew up in the quintessential middle class family, and my grandma lived 2 miles up the road.
Ali Shapiro [00:12:31]:
And she would come down in the morning when my parents were headed off to work, and then she was the first person I saw after school because my parents weren’t home yet. And, she was just really close with us. She came on all the vacations with us. She we she was born an atheist but converted to Catholicism when she met my grandfather. She had 9 kids. And so I had saw all my cousins at holidays, but it was always centered around her. She was the matriarch in our family, and she and I had a really special bond. And she’s actually the one who got me into my love of nutrition.
Ali Shapiro [00:13:01]:
My grandma, when she was this was in the forties, 1940. She had been introduced. She was Catholic at the time, and a priest introduced her to this idea of nutrition and taking care of our bodies as a holy temple and that food could be medicine. And she was so enthralled with this. They actually moved their family, my mom and all her sisters and brothers, to what was considered an organic farm. It wasn’t called organic at the time. We just didn’t use pesticides on everything. And she believed in wheatgrass shots before, you know, she was alive before John Mackey, the creator of Whole Foods, was even, like, an idea in the universe.
Ali Shapiro [00:13:40]:
So she really instilled, a fascination with nutrition. And her friends used to say, her name was Frances, Frances, do you think you know more than the doctors? Right? Like, I mean, people were skeptical back then. And my grandma was also really philosophically curious. So she and I often talked about the afterlife and what happens when we die. My grandma was an was an atheist, born into an atheist family, but she said that at the age of 4, she declared that she had lived before. And she always says, can you imagine? You know? And she met my grandfather who was Catholic, and he died from multiple myeloma very early, or I think in when he was about 51 or 52. She had a couple kids still at home, and she really lost her faith in Catholicism, I think, at at that point. But she didn’t turn back to being an atheist.
Ali Shapiro [00:14:27]:
She was always searching. And last time we talked, she believed in reincarnation in which she called a universal mind that basically loved all the good and bad we did. Kind of you know, it’s you keep and she used to tell me. I actually asked her when I was 4. I went up to her and I said, grandma, what happens when we die? And she said that I would keep coming back as Ally until I could be the best version of Ally there was. And I did run back and say, well, I get my same mom, Which she always loves telling to telling that part of the story. So I’m sharing you all of this because when she died, when she was 97, so she I had her in my life for so long, and she was very able-bodied. So she was I mean, she was reading up until, you know, 95 years old.
Ali Shapiro [00:15:09]:
Like, big books. So when she died, and I think many of us can relate, when someone like a grandparent or a mother or father dies, you realize that they were holding up scaffolding in your life that you didn’t know was even there until they were gone. And so I realized a lot a big part of my grieving process was realizing that a lot of what I believed was because she believed it. And it made me question, especially some of these afterlife questions, if these beliefs were really mine. And one of the things was that I realized my grandma, she always gave everyone second chances and and chances over and over again. And so I realized that’s part of why she believed in reoccurring lives. Right? If people have multiple chances, you get multiple lives. And and, yes, we have multiple lives within our life, but also reincarnation and all that kind of stuff.
Ali Shapiro [00:16:02]:
And my grandma was just so empathetic and compassionate that that it mean that that that makes sense. She was also incredibly progressive. And I’m this sounds like such a white person thing to say, but one of her best friends in the forties was African American Dorothy. Right? That was, like, kind of radical back then. She always supported anyone’s sexuality, and she was a huge feminist. Like, she just she had progressive values before I think we even had the term progressive. So I realized she believed everyone was equal, and so there had to be some form of justice because life is not fair. Right? And since she wasn’t a Catholic, she didn’t believe someone could decide justice at the pearly gates.
Ali Shapiro [00:16:41]:
And so she created this idea of a universal mind that logged our rights and wrongs, and we had to keep coming back until we made the score right. So her religious and spiritual and afterlife beliefs really mirrored her her mindset of in everyday life. And so while she had a very different spiritual views than most Americans because America is a majority Christian nation, I could see how so many Americans had a similar theme in their beliefs. Some sort of equality, being we had the opportunity to be saved, right, equal, and justice or heaven or a peaceful afterlife.
Ali Shapiro [00:17:15]:
And so as I started to
Ali Shapiro [00:17:16]:
see that this wasn’t that she had these these values and this mindset of equality and justice for all, I then started to wonder if her spiritual views were influenced by believing in the promise of America. Right? America in general is this idea that we’re all created equal and there is justice for all. Right? Equality and justice for all. That’s the promise. That’s the vision. And I think what’s really interesting is my my grandmother my great grandparents immigrated from Slovenia, and this belief wasn’t alive and well, and they were atheists. And it used to be a communist country. And in a lot of communist countries, you have higher rates of atheism.
Ali Shapiro [00:17:54]:
And so I’m wondering all of this. I I know, like, really deep thoughts. Right? But this, like, heavy stuff. But I’m starting to see why did she believe that, and do I believe that. And so at at the same time, there’s a lot of news going on. This is late 2015 and showed me that America, while we aim there’s a promise for equality and justice for all. It’s a constant striving to get there, and it’s not true for all of us. Right? The Charleston shooting happened where a racist young 20 something year old gunned down 9 African American parishioners in the church, then the Stanford rape case where a rapist gets off with 6 months of jail because it might be hard on him.
Ali Shapiro [00:18:35]:
Right? And then so many women were coming forward about their own sexual abuse and how we treat victims in our culture, about what were you wearing? You know? What which is absolute bullshit. Right? So now that I can see that I have this story about equality and justice for all and and how it influenced my spiritual beliefs and how it has also believed the actions I’ve taken in my life. Right? Equality and justice for all is basically this upward mobility story in America. Right? That if we work hard and we stay disciplined, we will have success. And I’m gonna talk about how that plays out in health here in a second. But what happens is as you start to see your story, you start to realize it’s a story and not the truth. Right? It’s one version of events. And I do think that we are ultimately upward mobility exists, but it’s more likely to be true if you’re white, male, born into a certain class, maybe middle to to upper class.
Ali Shapiro [00:19:31]:
But as you start knocking off privileges related to gender, class, religion, and then race, this equality and justice for all start story starts to disintegrate very rapidly. So I’m thinking about all this, and I’m like, how could I have believed this? And, you know, I’m a white middle class woman. I have various notches of privilege. I realized how much I believed in this story and how much it shaped these values that I have of truth, justice. So I’m contemplating all of this and then seeing how our American values so much inform our religious and spiritual views, including my grandma, and how much we live. And so this bigger story of meritocracy came to mind to describe the story so many of us live by, and we wanna believe. Right? We all wanna believe if we work hard, we’re gonna be better off. And and there’s there’s some truth to that.
Ali Shapiro [00:20:18]:
And so this this story of meritocracy came to mind, and this was a word I first encountered when I worked for GE. And it was the idea that if you work hard and stay disciplined, you’ll succeed. Right? And this is the promise of what America likes to believe it offers, and it does. I one thing that this election, the 2016 presidential election, has taught me is how much I value and appreciate America and and what we’re trying to do here. We’ve all get along of all different kinds of people. But it’s not true all the time, and it’s like all of our stories. Sometimes they’re true and sometimes they’re not, which is why it’s hard to see. But underneath this concept of meritocracy is the American ideals of equality and justice for all.
Ali Shapiro [00:21:02]:
Right? Justice being the success from all of us being capable, independent of our color, our creed, our race. It’s just about hard work and discipline because we’re all equal and just need opportunity. And I realized that this meritocracy story, because it’s such an American story I mean, it’s, like, in the water. It’s the air we breathe. It’s, you know, it’s why we love the rags to riches story. We love these up upper mobilities. We love the hero’s journey. But it’s baked into how we talk about health and wellness.
Ali Shapiro [00:21:30]:
So if you go vegetarian and juice and use nontox product nontoxic products, you won’t get cancer. You can have a you have to be perfect in pregnancy. Take your herbs, get to bed early, take your pre no, you know, yoga, and eat well. Have a natural birth so you can have the healthiest happy baby. Losing weight is all about discipline and willpower. With with being thin is kind of justice for your work. Right? That’s the success of of in the what you deserve for for all your hard work. And I realized that when it comes to health and weight loss, meritocracy is why so many people struggle with reaching their goals.
Ali Shapiro [00:22:05]:
They’re working hard, not smart because they believe hard work and discipline is how you succeed. They think that they’re trying all these different things, but they’re all shaped by the same meritocracy story. And then when when you don’t get the results that you want, you blame yourself rather than question this meritocracy story that told us that all it takes is hard work and discipline to achieve success, which feels like justice for all their sacrifice and dedication. Okay. So I hope you can follow me. I know this is pretty deep.
Ali Shapiro [00:22:38]:
This is kind of like
Ali Shapiro [00:22:39]:
what can I say? I like to play in the deep end of the ocean. Okay? And so I’m thinking all of this, and then the election happens. And so so many of my clients, listeners, and people felt alone and overwhelmed, and myself included. I don’t think it’s very, secret that I was very upset by the election, and it still affects it it’s still affecting me. And regardless of what you thought of either candidates, I don’t wanna focus on the candidates themselves. I wanna focus on what they represented, the metaphor, the the symbol there. And it’s very clear that, I call him the Donald, represents is not meritocracy, but privilege and abuse of power. Right? From how he put small business owners out of, you know, business to using our tax dollars to bail himself out of bankruptcy, I don’t wanna go much into him because it’s not about him, but it’s it’s about this idea that he really didn’t work to win.
Ali Shapiro [00:23:32]:
Okay? And his version of winning is very different than than what we’re taught, the rest of us. And I think many of us felt so depressed over the election was because the values that we hold dear, like equality and justice, which is part of this meritocracy story and something I believed in as a life guiding philosophy, was clearly on display as not true. Right? I mean, even in a in a half baked meritocracy, we would not have had the presidential outcome. I’m not saying that things weren’t already crazy and that that this changes much. It’s it’s a, to me, it’s really a clear diagnosis, but it gave us a diagnosis to me that that America is not as fair as I thought it was. And and don’t get me wrong. I didn’t think it was completely fair to begin with, but I just thought it was much more true than than I had hoped. And the truth can be very painful before it’s liberating.
Ali Shapiro [00:24:24]:
But there’s so much opportunity here. And that the good news is when we discover our stories aren’t as true, there’s an incredible opportunity to get to more of the truth, which is more freedom, more ease, and more of what we want. The more that’s when we can see what’s real. And so when it comes to health and weight loss, there’s an opportunity to figure out how to work smart, not hard, and put the idea to bed that being healthy requires sacrifice and lots of gearing up. But I first wanna start with the meritocracy illusion and why we believe it in the first place. So to repeat, meritocracy is this idea that success can be achieved based on ability and talent. In other words, we’re all born equal. Hard work is opportunity regardless of race, class, or creed.
Ali Shapiro [00:25:08]:
The truth is, however, right, that that’s not really true all of the time. And and research shows it’s research shows in terms of a disintegrating middle class gaps in the gaps between the rich and the poor that America is becoming less and less a meritocracy. The Donald represents success as predicated on his familial riches and influence. You know, I was just reading last week in The New York Times Magazine how without The Apprentice, his presidency probably would have never happened. Jeff Zucker, who was then the president of NBC, approached him about doing The Apprentice. He was The Donald was on his 4th bankruptcy. And if you saw how New York City itself voted for Donald, I think it’s clear what the business community who knew them there thought of how effective he was as a business person. But he equated his ability to own things with his merit for presidency.
Ali Shapiro [00:25:56]:
It’s almost like people who are naturally genetically thin, and we think they try so hard. Right? Doesn’t mean they’re healthy, but it feels like, oh my god. So the reality is success in terms of wealth isn’t necessarily achieved through merit. Granted, there are some successes that are achieved this way, and there’s upward there’s pockets of o upward mobility. But America is really about ownership. The majority of ownership in our country is by a few families and corporations, these wealthy oligarchies. And this is inherited, not earned through merit. Yet if you don’t really think about this, the the automatic response is to think rich people are better.
Ali Shapiro [00:26:36]:
They’re more successful because of how much they have, rather how far have they traveled to get there. And being thin is often a result of wealth. You’re able to hire a chef if you need it. Right? You have more flexible work arrangements. You have the resources to buy organic, have a trainer come to your house. You know, my sister said her definition of wealthy is never being inconvenienced, and I think that’s very true of the wealthy in this in this country. I’m not saying they’re happy per se, but they do have a level of access and time that, you know, you can get to the salon, you can get to the dentist, less and there’s this less chronic stress about safety for your kids. Can you pay the bills? And so many times we unconsciously equate thin with life being easy easier, but it’s often it’s the wealth and resources, not the thinness, that make life easier.
Ali Shapiro [00:27:23]:
And many people don’t learn to see the invisible social and environmental systems that negate meritocracy, such as a lack of support for working families, polluted air, water, and soil, lack of educational opportunities, and emotional threats like trauma, isolation, and financial insecurity. So, again, it’s not that many of I know those of you who listen to this podcast and my clients, it’s not that we thought America was a true meritocracy. In fact, many of us feel many of you are in social justice public service fields because you’re trying to make it more true. But I think a lot of us thought it was much more alive and healthy than it really is. And so part of the reason why many of us initially felt alone and overwhelmed, and maybe still do, is because the ground we thought we all stood on with this meritocracy story and the values of equality and justice had an earthquake. So where meritocracy trickles down and hides in our health beliefs. Like I said, there can be incredible upside to this accurate, clear diagnosis related to our health, healing, and weight loss efforts. So, alas, the American idea of meritocracy parallels the traditional weight loss conversations.
Ali Shapiro [00:28:32]:
All bodies are equal or physiologically physiologically and emotionally the same at any given time, which is preposterous. Right? It’s totally unchallenged in mainstream conversation. There’s this belief that if you’re overweight, it’s your fault for not trying hard enough. That if you work hard at counting calories, stay disciplined around tempting foods, and focus at the gym and follow the rules, which boil down to eat less, move more, you will succeed weight loss, which is weight loss. This follows along the same conditioned thought that says if you work hard, keep a positive attitude, and never give up, You will achieve the American dream. And culturally, we equate being good as making choices, which leads to being thin. This implies thin people are healthy and work hard for their hit their figures with which both assumptions are often untrue. And, obviously, I believe there’s considerable truth to taking responsibility for our health, but it doesn’t involve the meritocracy idea that discipline and following the eat less, move more rules you’ve been taught will lead to successful goals.
Ali Shapiro [00:29:31]:
In reality, these ideas really are highly half truths. Most of my clients have tried everything under the sun, under the meritocracy premise. They work hard at learning about nutrition. They get to the gym while juggling the rest of their overworked lives. They’re thinking about food a lot, but that’s one example of just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s helping. And so their efforts are based on an idea that was never true. And this can be really hard to reckon with. I personally am still pissed off at all the time I wasted on oversimplification of calories in, calories out while suffering with depression and irritable bowel syndrome.
Ali Shapiro [00:30:09]:
I mean, from the antidepressants I was on to the Harper meds to my crippling IBS, I was a big pharma cash cow. I mean, that’s really what I was. But while we’re in this meritocracy rubble, you can choose to break out of the illusion and start to put your efforts into something that was more true. So the ownership opportunity for all of us. You’ve likely heard the call if you listen to, I would say, mainstream networks that we cannot normalize the acts of this regime. The normalization happens subtly, and it’s really devastating. So some of the ways, for example, we’ve normalized in our health is we’ve normalized high levels of pesticides in the foods we buy in the grocery store. We’ve normalized by buying water, turning it into a commodity that corporations like Nestle now own.
Ali Shapiro [00:30:57]:
We’ve normalized paying extra for egg whites while wasting the healthiest part of the egg, which is the yolk. And we’ve normalized medicating anxiety and depression while contributing to its causes through low fat diets and lack of agency. The most tragic outcome of normalizing the illusion of meritocracy is that we ignore our ability to listen to our own truths in terms of what our body is telling us about the needs of our body and soul. Instead, most people pay attention to ideas that are constantly changing. And based on the idea that you can earn health by following the conventional diet and nutrition rules and doing everything right. This is a distraction from looking at your own truth, The one Ellen couldn’t ignore any longer that led to her epic success. The one that makes you feel seen for who you are. This distracts you too from figuring out what metrics matter to you.
Ali Shapiro [00:31:47]:
What gets you results? You know if you have like 3 things on your to do list, they can be enjoyable, you know, and you might, like, actually enjoy running errands. But if you have, like, 10, nothing is enjoyable. It doesn’t even have to be errands. It can be work stuff, you know, whatever. But it’s like a lot of my clients enjoy their work, but it’s so much. Or they like their kids, but it can be a lot. Right? But if this is what we’ve done in America and wherever American culture spreads, we make it about quantity, not quality. And here’s some of the ways working hard shows up in weight loss and health.
Ali Shapiro [00:32:20]:
Fighting your hunger when you’re actually hungry. Resisting cravings. Doing exercise you hate because the sacrifice will be worth it. I think a lot of times gearing up all Sunday to cook all day only to be, like, exhausted and feel like you missed one of your free days in life for the week. Monitoring all your food, which turns you into an app that assumes all bodies are the same. So I could go on and on, but this is just a few. And so are you ready for a hard truth? Health and weight loss are not about exhausting yourself. That’s actually the condition for illness and stress weight gain.
Ali Shapiro [00:32:59]:
Now don’t get me wrong. This is a nuanced conversation. Being healthy and losing weight does require work, but it involves the right work. The effort you put in should lead to you feeling more free and hopeful, more comfortable in your skin, not more attached and dependent on working more. I really believe our our bodies are wired for vitality. And so my focus for my clients and myself is always for health to be a natural part of life. I want them to cultivate a healthy lifestyle but it’s the vehicle to them living the life they want to live, not the focus. When this is the focus, yes, they end up eating healthy but they do it so they have the energy, focus, and confidence to take risks in life.
Ali Shapiro [00:33:44]:
They start to feel like it’s their choice to eat healthy because they have more energy, clear thinking, and they’re no longer snacking. So they only have to think about 3 meals instead of 6 mini meals. They make the healthy choice not because it’s a sacrifice because it’s rewarding and fueling their life. So I really want you to let this mindset shift sink in. Healthy living should be rewarding. It should give you vitality. It shouldn’t bring out the shame stick. So I wanna give you some beginning steps on this because it’s certainly a matrix.
Ali Shapiro [00:34:17]:
I do not wanna pretend that this is something that, you know, you can just do overnight. We’re in our 1st couple weeks of truce with food, and it’s challenging as the group is basically composting their psyches by seeing their own stories. And it’s, you know, really challenging, and they will tell you that. However, it’s a challenge that they’re gonna get more relief and freedom from. It’s not the challenge of hoping you can make it through eating perfectly. So I I think of how many times you followed a meritocracy premise only to be worse off, like gaining weight back or feeling more defeated. Right? So part of what I want you guys to think about is how do I make this more rewarding, my efforts? If I’m hungry, maybe I’m and this is not about overriding my hunger or my cravings. I gotta figure out what foods make me feel really grounded and full and satiated.
Ali Shapiro [00:35:08]:
I can’t state this enough. This is really the first level. I have been doing this for 10 years. No matter how much people have read, how many things they’ve tried, they might be on the right track, but they’re still not eating the right combinations of fat, proteins, and carbs for them. They are they aren’t quite where they need to be on the vegetarian, Mediterranean, paleo spectrum. And so get that started first. That will start to open you up to the possibility that, hey. When I feel good, I wanna keep going rather than, oh my god.
Ali Shapiro [00:35:38]:
These cravings and hunger are making me exhausted, so I’m gonna eat for energy. So many of my clients start to realize that a lot of their eating is because they’re exhausted, and most of their exhaustion is coming from food and thinking about food all the time and having a track and having a grocery shop and all the angst and and anxiety that is tied up into that. I’m not gonna say that’s gonna go over way overnight, but really start to get energy and focus and clarity from your food. If that’s not happening, you gotta start there before you can go anywhere else. And, you know, I just want to plug that on my website at alishapiro.com, you can get a breakfast experiment that will help you start to see where you are on that, Do I do better vegetarian? Do I do better with the Mediterranean diet? Do I do better with the paleo diet? So really get clear on that. And, also, I’m gonna be doing a future episode with doctor Kelly Brogan about the science that isn’t new, but rather hasn’t been paid attention to that talks about why we all need different diets. So that will be coming up in May, early June, so keep a lookout for that. But being willing to consider that food should be rewarding.
Ali Shapiro [00:36:45]:
And I don’t mean it like, I love cupcakes and candy because most people will start to realize that stuff drains them and it actually makes them feel crappy. It makes them feel good right in the moment, but they’re not getting rewarded from their ever other efforts. So it’s almost like they deserve it. Right, because they’re sacrificing so hard. I don’t want you to sacrifice for your health. It should be rewarding. So, really, when you after you eat, you should feel grounded and powerful and satiated. You shouldn’t need to snack in between meals.
Ali Shapiro [00:37:14]:
Sometimes you do based on where you are, you know, with your blood sugar control. But you wanna work to a place where you’re eating 3 meals a day, not 6 mini meals. That’s just one example of how we think like, oh, gotta pack all these things. It’s I’m doing great, you know, because I’m planning, planning, planning, but that planning oftentimes isn’t even necessary. And, again, this that that can be frustrating to learn that we’ve been wasting energy and time, but better late than never. And also, you’ve learned a lot of what has worked for you by doing all of these things. So it’s not like you’re starting over. The second big tip I want to give you is figure out what in your life drains you.
Ali Shapiro [00:37:52]:
Where do you feel like you’re sacrificing? Where do you feel like you need to make more rewarding choices that you wanna make? Not out of discipline, but because, hey. They’re gonna get you what you want. And I should say less out of willpower. Where can you lighten up your life? And that is part of the emotional the emotional lightness and fulfillment that is blocked when we’re in our stories. But it’s too I can’t in a podcast diagnose your story for you. So what I’d rather have you do is start to think, where can I make things a little bit more rewarding? And spend as much time there as you do on the food. And it doesn’t have to be this big sweeping change. And I suggest focusing on one area of your life and making micro changes.
Ali Shapiro [00:38:33]:
And as you see results there, you can build up to bigger changes. So exercise, I think, is a great place to start. We all know or hopefully, you know intellectually that weight that exercise really doesn’t contribute to weight loss. It can make you give give you energy and it’s a component. But it’s it’s an easy place to test because you’re not gonna it’s not gonna swing the scale too big one way or the other. So rather than all the shoulds, musts, or have to, why not tune into your body to see what feels good? You know? And measure to see if you feel better after a workout, not how many calories you burn. This is what I’m talking about. We think we have to to measure certain things because that’s gonna lead to success, and we measure the hard work and discipline.
Ali Shapiro [00:39:16]:
Right? That’s why even I I cringe when I hear people in workout classes saying, oh my god. You know, burn this so you can eat your cupcake or making up for yesterday’s 400 calorie, you know, frozen yogurt. Like, it’s this whole idea of sacrifice and discipline where it’s like none of that is rewarding. Like, why couldn’t I just enjoy the yogurt if I wanted rather than thinking about that I have to now burn it off? Because now this workout doesn’t even feel fun. It’s just punishment. So really focus on, do you feel better afterwards? This was huge for me when I started doing this. I used to do these really intense workouts, especially cardio, like an hour long, And I found myself exhausted and needing to eat carbs to to stay awake and then also wanting to take a nap, and that started to totally change how I worked out. Sleep can be a great area.
Ali Shapiro [00:40:04]:
Oh oh, I wanna go back to exercise. Maybe you need to do it with a friend. Maybe you like it solo. Maybe you wanna be outside. Find all the ways that it can be rewarding and don’t build it up as much. You know, go out and walk. You know? A lot of my clients find that just like when they’re stuck at work with with something they’re trying to figure out, they leave now work and they just walk around. I mean, yeah, it’s exercise, but it’s rewarding because they’re getting insights and creativity into their work issue.
Ali Shapiro [00:40:31]:
I think sleep is another great area. Work on getting to sleep and start to notice the benefits of less cravings, less puffiness, that you actually have more energy for exercise. I was talking to an attendee from the cookie isn’t just a cookie workshop, and she was experimenting with more sleep after after the workshop. And she was pleasantly surprised that while she had to say no to some events, her days were better. And then when a random opportunity to go to soul cycle popped up in the afternoon, she add the energy to go because she was really well rested. So it’s really freeing to have the choice rather than say simply no because she was exhausted. And I find so many people do things when they’re exhausted, making them feel like they’re working even harder. So really focus on the rewards, the the immediate, you know, rewards.
Ali Shapiro [00:41:20]:
You know, kind of coming back full circle as I wrap this up that, yeah, there’s there’s hard work that involves sacrificing, and then there’s choices that involve, yes, discipline, but they provide more immediate rewarding return. Right? That’s where you wanna focus on. The success and enjoyment needs to be now for you, not for other people. But it’s now, not in retirement or an afterlife. Right? I think this meritocracy idea is even starting to crumble and how we see people wanting meaning in their work. Right? They don’t wanna just log in and then retire at 55. They want the enjoyment along the way. So we’re already starting there.
Ali Shapiro [00:41:56]:
We already have these inklings of a more vital way of being. But we want your success and enjoyment to be now, not in retirement, the afterlife, or £30. But it doesn’t mean you can’t be working towards that and getting excited about those results, but the journey informs the destination. In the same way you can’t hate yourself into a loving you can’t sacrifice sacrifice to a rewarding ending. The path usually leads to resentful, angry, and frustration, and shame. You know, running my health coaching business, for an example, kicks my ass a lot. It’s it’s a lot, but I love it, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I work harder now than I ever did in the corporate world.
Ali Shapiro [00:42:35]:
I have less security. I have to take more risks. It’s a spiritual boot camp most weeks, but I get so much meaning every day that I keep doing it. And that’s why it’s sustainable. So in closing, one thing I’ve settled on from my own spiritual beliefs as I have grieved my grandma, continue to grieve her, is the paradox that the only thing I can be certain of is the mystery. And the more we get to our truth, the more life opens up for us. It’s about becoming more of who we really are, not sacrificing and shoving and and putting those parts aside. It doesn’t mean it won’t be challenging, but we won’t be sacrificing our soul ourselves.
Ali Shapiro [00:43:14]:
And joy and meaning are as much a discipline as hard work. And I think if we can create a world where people can be who they are, truly whole, we’ll be able to restructure society that it isn’t about power and privilege dynamics, And we will be much closer to the American promise. Those who are hungry for power because they’ve never had to source it themselves try and take it from the rest of us. And it’s really up to us to know what’s true for us and what we’re going to what we’re going to live by. In our last Truth With Food call for my fall 2016 group, clients were sharing how transforming their story and been looking for life to be more rewarding and meaningful now kept them feeling like healthy. They found themselves nurturing relationships and approaching their work in a way that is very, quote, uncharacteristic of me, they would say. I told them it wasn’t uncharacteristic of them. It’s the real you who is coming from a powerful, creative, and rewarding place.
Ali Shapiro [00:44:08]:
They’ve been able to extricate themselves from the patriarchal controls they didn’t even know existed. So not no longer battling food and this idea that you have to work hard and sacrifice your health and it have to be disciplined can be political and empowering. It can be a political and empowering act. It requires layers of unlearning. It requires considering that it can be rewarding, enjoyable, and quite a wonder to live in your body, which is a radical idea, especially if you’re a female. This empowerment starts with reframing the entire idea that healthy living is about sacrifice, deprivation, and hard work. It’s not finding more willpower or somebody else’s ideas that most likely also rests on the faulty premise of meritocracy. It’s really about coming into your own.
Ali Shapiro [00:44:54]:
I’m gonna leave you with this quote that shakes me to my core, as from Naomi Wolf in The Beauty Myth. A culture fixated on female thinness is not an obsession about female beauty, but an obsession about female obedience. Dieting is the most potent political sedative in women’s history. A quietly mad population is a tractable one. And this idea of meritocracy is keeping all of us stuck if we feel stuck around our health and weight loss. Alright. So let me know what you think of this format. I know this is pretty heavy and deep, but let me know if you have questions about this.
Ali Shapiro [00:45:29]:
I might do a Facebook live on this so I can support you in getting out of this puritanical rate rat rat race because the Puritans also inform this. But, again, my new page is my Facebook page at facebook backslash alieemarie Shapiro or on Instagram at aliamshapiro. And let me know what you liked, what questions you had, or if you wanna challenge me. I love really great debate as long as it’s done respectfully and not in a troll type way, which most of our community is super respectful. So let me know what you think and, I’ll see you on our next episode.
Ali Shapiro [00:46:00]:
Have questions or reactions about the episode? Reach out to me on Instagram and Twitter at aliamshapiroorfacebook@facebookbackslash aliemarie Shapiro.
Ali Shapiro [00:46:13]:
And if you love the show, please leave an Itones review and tell one friend this week about how
Ali Shapiro [00:46:17]:
to get the Insatiable podcast on their phone. See you on social media.
Such a great juice idea for keeping whole body healthy, and happy.