The avoider style was adapted from the Thomas-Kilmann conflict model.
Think: Chuck It, F#$% it, Don’t Rock the Boat
Feel: resentment, self-doubt
Behaviors: Procrastinate, shutdown, withdraw
Self-Sabotage: Makes things more difficult by building them up
Frames Situations: All-or-nothing
More About the Avoider
Avoiders tend to have initial success on rigid plans like Whole30 or an intense anti-inflammatory protocol because they’re dramatic and validate their all-or-nothing view of wellness and weight loss.
But it’s the taking action and learning, which generates momentum and leads to their initial success.
The “success” becomes more precarious when “the perfect choice” is unclear—with food or situations that cause stress. The stakes feel so “make or break” that we withdraw or procrastinate until we work on pure stress and adrenaline. The confusion is so overwhelming, we go into “chuck it, fuck it” mode and go home and eat privately in frustration.
The challenge and life-changing opportunity for Avoiders:
Is to understand that food—and other things in life— aren’t as dramatic or rigid as we’ve built them up to be, including the discomfort of getting started. Learning to listen to the subtlety of your own needs and what works for your body is key. The avoider needs to understand that food, everyday tasks and life are not “all or nothing” and this will help them to stop “avoiding” or ”waiting” until the last dramatic moment to stressfully complete the things they need to do.
Learning to hear and listen to your own subtle needs and reframing this dramatic mindset is not an overnight process. But the reward is becoming more relaxed, creative and fulfilled in your life. Once we are able to hear what we need and want, we can build a life that aligns with our values so we have many more “wants” and “get to dos” instead of “have to” and “shoulds”, which creates less to avoid!
An accurate diagnosis of why you fall off track is critical. It’s the most strategic, effective place to start.
Avoiders who don’t address the root cause will keep switching between rigid plans and trying to follow rules that aren’t our own and don’t holistically address the avoid pattern. Staying “on track” will be short-lived, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy of food, health and weight loss being SO dramatically hard that we lose further confidence in our own abilities.
To learn more on this topic, check out this secret Insatiable podcast episode or transcript.
Be well and enjoy the journey,